brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
