no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
