you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
