So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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