He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
