I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
