That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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