you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
