Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
