take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I have feelings that need drinking.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
