I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
