I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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