I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
