I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
