So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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