i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
