No stitches, just platelets and will power
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
