He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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