Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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