oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
