at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
