Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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