either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
