ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
