my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
