just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
me + whiskey = a bad person
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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