This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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