she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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