I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
