I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i wish my penis had a tongue
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
