Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
