Betty ford says i'm here all night
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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