i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
