This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize