so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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