So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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