Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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