I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
