it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
