thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
