I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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