Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize