I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You've changed since you got that strap on
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
