"it" just moved
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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