so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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