glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
