arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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