What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
