I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
