Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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