I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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