dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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