Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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