We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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