hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
