You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We have so much sex to catch up on
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
