I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
