he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
