Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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