i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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