weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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