Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
