I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
