He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
