woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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