whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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