The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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