i can't believe i had my finger in that
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
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Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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