i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
