I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
