when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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