How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
