i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
