What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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