So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
