I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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